I'm supposed to be moving in two weeks. What should be the happiest time of my life seems to be the worst. I'm broke. I've barely made any money from the new job I started to pay for the deposit down on a new aparment. All I've ever wanted it was to get away from my family and get my own place, and yet the thought that I'll be gone (maybe) in two weeks can't even ease the pain of the daily torture I go through living with them. Everyday I find a reason to dispise them. I don't even have real conversations wih them anymore. I just pretend to be happy and I don't complain because I just want to hurry up and move out without any problems.
My first post was about Aplastic Anemia but honestly that was a fluke. I'd say that's only 5% of my problems right now, which I guess to some people says a lot about me. I can't stand the fakeness of my family, its suffocating me. They just pretend to care, and on a good day they just right out ignore me. I've been an adult for 5 years now, you can stop pretending already. You don't have to do anything for me, and stop hindering me by leading me to believe I can depend on you when I need you. If you just let it be known that you don't really give a shit then I can move on with my life and make decisions based on what I can do for myself. I can also stop emotionally torturing myself wondering if you really love me at the end of the day. Maybe then I can begin to heal and deal with the idea that I have no real family.
And I don't know how my family expects me to move. I can't keep a job because no one wants to get me to work on time (for no real reason), the economy is shit so I can't get a job close enough where I can just take the bus, they'd rather spend $200 on cell phone bills but can't pay the utillities and the rent, niether could they loan me $20 so I could open up a bank account so I could get paid at my job. I'm going to stop here, I'll be all night typing if I keep going. I just pray my money from school comes back so I can move because working ain't working...
